Help Inside Magic Fight Evil! A Reader’s Letter


Sabrina the Good Witch

Dear Inside Magic:


How can I help get the message of Inside Magic out to the entire world? I
am so impressed by the quality reporting, columns, guest essays and
gratuitous images of Britney Spears, Melinda, and Sabrina the Teenaged
Witch that I have found myself reading it without stop.


But much like Beatles? song, ?I can?t get any satisfaction? until I know that the entire magic world knows about the website.


My friends say I spend too much time reading your site and that my hair
smells like that cheese you shake onto spaghetti because I don?t even
want to wash my hair when I shower.


I am afraid that Inside Magic will have a new article that I might miss
or that circus clowns will creep into my bathroom when my eyes are
closed (during the application, rinse, repeat process), try on my
clothes, and eat me.

So
my question put bluntly is this: I figure I have about 28 days on this
Visa card I got through an internet cite I found when I was surfing for
herbal remedies to remove the stench from my head ? without pain or
requiring me to close my eyes ? and I?ve got quite a credit limit on
it.


I wanted to make a donation to Inside Magic to help contribute to the only website that I really care about.



Sabrina the Good Witch

Dear Inside Magic:


How can I help get the message of Inside Magic out to the entire world? I
am so impressed by the quality reporting, columns, guest essays and
gratuitous images of Britney Spears, Melinda, and Sabrina the Teenaged
Witch that I have found myself reading it without stop.


But much like Beatles? song, ?I can?t get any satisfaction? until I know that the entire magic world knows about the website.


My friends say I spend too much time reading your site and that my hair
smells like that cheese you shake onto spaghetti because I don?t even
want to wash my hair when I shower.


I am afraid that Inside Magic will have a new article that I might miss
or that circus clowns will creep into my bathroom when my eyes are
closed (during the application, rinse, repeat process), try on my
clothes, and eat me.

So
my question put bluntly is this: I figure I have about 28 days on this
Visa card I got through an internet cite I found when I was surfing for
herbal remedies to remove the stench from my head ? without pain or
requiring me to close my eyes ? and I?ve got quite a credit limit on
it.


I wanted to make a donation to Inside Magic to help contribute to the only website that I really care about.


Clown Bait

Also, why don?t you have something where I can send
your site out to other people that I have met on the internet?


Some internet cites have those and they are really neat. You
type in peoples? names and it sends them the link to the cite and you
can include a message like, ?Hey, look at this cite!? or ?Hey, this is
a neat cite!? or ?Hey, this cite has pictures of Britney Spears taking
herbal supplements and doing magic tricks!?


Please let me know. I have many friends on the internet
that would love (but not in a gross way) to visit the cite but no one
has told them about it.


It doesn?t seem fair that they would have to search for the cite
themselves when the internet is all about having things done for you
not things you do for yourself.


Also, do you know how that one trick works where that man puts the lady
in a fan and then she vanishes and then he comes back from the audience
but she?s still gone and then he opens a box that someone in the
audience is holding on their lap, and the lady is the person who was
holding the box?


Thank you for your great website and for making my days so special.


I don?t blame you for the stinky cheese hair or my bloodshot eyes ?
that?s because I don?t want to keep my eyes closed very long because of
the circus clowns.


Let me know about that magic trick, okay?


X. Ophthalmic (The Great ?X,? Magician)

Inside Magic Responds:


Dear X:


Thank you for your kind words and nice letter.


I am very sorry to hear about the circus clowns. Please don?t feel alone in your phobia of circus clowns. There are many people who fear clowns from the circus ? and rightfully so.


A circus clown dressed up as my grandmother once and lost her (my grandmother?s) life savings on booze and bad horse selections.


Be afraid, be very afraid.


(Also, it was the Rolling Stones that sang “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction“).


The spirit of your note is very touching. We actually do have several mechanisms to get the word out to others that may be interested in magic and Inside Magic.


First, there is a Refer_Friend button at the top of this page that will
take you to a form where you can send a link to any email address you
would like.


I know it is confusing. Because
we program our own stuff here, we couldn?t get the program to let us
have a real space between the words ?Refer? and ?Friend? so we had to
put the underscore to hold the place.


A rodeo/circus clown dressed as my uncle wrote us an angry note
saying that he wanted a ?reefer friend? but he couldn?t get the thing
to work. It will not provide marihuana cigarettes or any controlled substance ? just send a link of Inside Magic to your ?friend.?


Another option, of course, would be just to write an email to your friend and include the link or the url of http://www.insidemagic.com/ ? but I understand how this could be inconvenient. I agree with you that the Internet is primarily a method of having things done for us and to us and not a research tool.


Thank goodness for spam, eh? How those folks know what I need and when I need it testifies to the greatness that is the Internet economy.


As for your implicit request on how your can help the site financially,
I need to disclaim several things before you run up a credit card you
secured through a link off a herbal supplement spam email.


Inside Magic is not a “non-profit institution” as that term is recognized by the United States Department of the Treasury.


As a practical matter, we are a non-profit entity because we run in the red each month. Our
revenues come from the sale of advertising space, the resale of magic
items we own or that we sell on consignment for other magicians, and of
course donations.


The other point I want to make sure you understand is that a credit
card, like a loaded weapon, can be used for good or for evil.


The decisions you make today with the freshly printed and
embossed card with the $2,000.00 limit will affect you the rest of your
life and you need to use that card correctly.


We are still paying for a sandwich and some airplane glue we bought in 1978.


Understand the consequences of your actions and look past the next 28 days to when you will receive a bill. If
you can?t pay off the balance, you will be subject to interest each
month that can result in you paying more for the use of the money than
the actual money used.

Keeping that in mind, if you would like to donate to Inside Magic, drop a line to tim@insidemagic.com and I’ll point you to a Pay Pal form where you can use your new Visa, Mastercard or American Express to donate to Inside Magic.


You may not be aware but one of Inside Magic?s main reasons for
existing is to stop evil circus clowns from stealing clothing from
anyone ? regardless of whether the victims? heads stink.


We?ve seen the pain evil circus clowns can inflict both emotionally and
physically and have dedicated our waking hours to stopping the menace.


Please don?t believe the hype, evil circus clowns can?t be “rehabilitated” and made nice.


They can?t be turned from an evil circus clown to a nice birthday clown.


Don’t Trust Them

Scientists
are divided.  One Harvard researcher in “What?s So Funny? An
Examination of the Chromosomal Defects at the G-3 Genetic Marker in
‘Evil Circus Clowns,'” Journal of Applied Chromosomal Abnormalities, June 2003).


Other researchers say evil circus clows are the spawn of Satan.  See ?Are All Circus Clowns Evil? An Exorcist Answers the Hard Questions About Circus Clowns,” filmstrip with record and Educator’s Guide,  from Church Supply and Studies,
Fairmont, Michigan.


But it is not behavioral.


You cannot change them.


You cannot put on ?happy make-up? and hope they will then not eat you at the first opportunity. I am here to tell you that you’ll still get eaten — probably raw — and the last thing you’ll see will be the snarled, grease-paint covered face of a “happy clown.”

For a chilling story about the failure to rehabilitate an evil circus clown read Mid-Evil, My Life in Greasepaint and Prison by Tom ?Patches? Lambrose.


“I used to lurk from house to house and bathroom to bathroom looking for someone with shampoo in their eyes. That was the key, make sure they had shampoo in their eyes so they couldn?t see me.


It got so I could smell my way through the neighborhoods for my next meal. When I smelled stinky cheese hair, I knew the residents never shampooed and probably never closed their eyes and I moved on.”

Finally about the trick.


It is Inside Magic?s policy to never reveal or provide information that might reveal or ?tip? a trick?s secret.


The effect you describe is commonly known as Several Tricks Confused as One Probably Due to Lack of Sleep Illusion.


Despite what you may hear from “friends,” the cure to this problem cannot be found in restful sleep. 


Not yet.


You need to take a stand against the forces of evil that await the drooping of your eyelids. Run up that credit card debt and keep Inside Magic alive so that you too might live.


Thank you again for your inquiry and do not wash you hair!  We are with you, Brother!

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